Don’t Go Chasin’

I'm harder on myself than anyone

Last week I contacted a band (Collective Hallucination) that my friend Marie told me was looking for a keyboard player. Even though they're a soul/R&B band (their MySpace page says "soul/jazz/funk" and I would agree with that), I thought I'd drop them a line. If you've been reading my blog, you know I've been very focused on blues with some blues rock thrown in, but you should also know that I like most styles of music. This would be a step out of my comfort zone. Most say that is a good thing.

I contacted Ant, the band leader, and he told me that they don't always use keyboard players at gigs, but he was looking for someone reliable for when they do. I thought, "cool, but I'll probably never hear from him, or maybe in six months or something." I've gotten very used to people asking about me doing web sites, then getting a "I'll let you know" and never hearing back.

Four days later on Friday, I get an email from Ant asking me if I'd like to play with them at a gig on December 20. I thought, "oh boy, I wasn't quite ready for that," checked my calendar, and saw I had nothing planned. Darn! No excuse there. I told him okay and he said I could pick up a set list for the show and CD at their rehearsal on Saturday, with our first rehearsal for the show the next Tuesday. At this stage, I'm a little concerned and nervous, but nothing I'd think about too much.

The next day, I dropped by their rehearsal to get the stuff and check them out. They were doing final rehearsals for the Prince tribute they were doing that night. I watched a couple of songs, and thought, "damn!" I knew they were going to kill them that night. (Word is, they did. Great job, guys!)

Shortly after I left, I started feeling… something. This band was really good, and I had 24 songs to learn in a month, only a few of which I had ever heard before, and all of which I had never played. They also were in a style I'm not familiar with. I have gotten very comfortable with our blues tunes, most of which have just a few chords, and not many if any tricky changes. Most of these songs, while not hard, are structurally more intricate than that. Uh oh. I could feel the muscles in my head tightening.

That night I started listening to the CD. Let me put my reaction this way. I can't tell you how happy I was when one song was clearly just three repeating chords from beginning to end!

It's really easy to psych yourself out with things like this. If I'm good at anything, it's doing the easy thing. So, I was overwhelmed and stressed. Over the next few days, I got myself into a tizzy, and a really bad one at that. I got the chord changes for some of the songs from Ant and worked on a few songs before Tuesday's rehearsal. I even found the chords for the three-chord song and got that one down. But, I would not say that I was comfortable with any of them yet, and I was still really nervous.

Tuesday night I went to rehearsal, and I wish I had recorded it. These guys are great. This kind of band needs a great rhythm section, and boy, do they have one. That will help me a lot. Despite my struggles, they seemed to think I did pretty well. Chris, the drummer who is also a keyboard player, said that what I played on one song was, "perfect." In fact, he came over and shook my hand to tell me so. I'm not bragging here, I'm actually amazed and sharing it.

Despite the apparent success of the rehearsal, after I got home, I was still feeling the stress, the nervousness, the tension. Jeez, will it ever go away?? What the heck is wrong with me? A lot of things, most people that know me will tell you. But in this case, I somehow, for some stupid reason, just freaked myself out. It's stupid really. I finally decided that the only way through this was to change my attitude. It has taken a while, but I think it's finally taken. It would not have happened without the support of Lori and a visit from Jeff yesterday. (I don't mean like a doctor's visit. We just hung out and talked about crap which helped get my mind off of it so I could remember what stress-free felt like. Sheesh.)

Am I still nervous? Yeah, I think so. Do I have a lot of work to do in the next month? Yep, no doubt about that. But, it doesn't seem overwhelming anymore. At least, not yet today. I'll let you know how it goes and update the blog as I go along.

[Disclaimer: I know Ant has read this blog and probably will read this entry too. I debated about posting it, but decided to because if I ain't posting the truth, then what's the point of having the blog? I'm the only one that might have thought he has anything to be concerned about regarding me. No one else I talked to agrees with that, so why should I worry. I expect he'll read this, and laugh. Hi Ant! :waves:]

Posted 2008 11 20 at 5:51 AM

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