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Brain Surgery

There are things I do in life without attachment. In fact, I’ve done gigs without attachment. What I’m not understanding is why I can go to a gig like that, even if I don’t think I’m as prepared as I would like to be, and be detached, yet when I need to prepare for an audition or rehearsal or gig, I get attached and struggle to even do the work to get ready (which would then allow me to be prepared and detached for the gig). I should be telling myself that it doesn’t matter, no one else can hear me now, who would expect me to have this correct now anyway.

I told Lori that I wish I wanted to play piano as much as I want to do other things, but then I realized that I do want to play as much as those other things, but then I stop myself. I hear stuff in my head all the time, I hear music on the stereo or at a show and get inspired, but then I stop before I go to the piano and actually play it.

I guess the simple answer is to push myself, and pretend I believe it even if I don’t yet. If I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, perhaps at some point I will actually think that. If I just try to noodle meaninglessly when I’m inspired, maybe I can make that a habit.

“This isn’t rocket science, Smithers, it’s brain surgery!”

Posted 2011 10 14 at 9:00 AM

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