I Give Up

I was talking with some other musician friends recently and they admitted to the struggles they endure as musicians. This was really gratifying to hear. Too often, we think we’re the only ones having these issues as musicians.

There have been many times I’ve considered throwing in the towel. I think I could make better or steadier money writing iPhone apps (I have sold other “software” online before, and when it is doing well, the money nicely rolls in).

But lately, I’ve developed and noticed a change in my habits. I’m practicing more than I ever have before. I will think of things I want to or even need to do, and go, “okay, but first I want to practice a little.” Then, I will practice for an hour. I also feel like practicing throughout the day, and actually indulge that desire more often than not.

How did I get to this point? By making it a habit. By convincing and allowing myself to want to do it, and doing it. By not expecting nor demanding anything more of myself than to spend a few minutes doing it. By enjoying every moment of it. By not thinking about what I cannot do while I am doing it (“I’m still not good enough to play X”).

I’ve put way too much into music to give now, nor ever.

The title of this post? It’s a complete lie. You’re stuck with me.

P.S. I credit Leo Babuta’s Zen Habits blog for the help and inspiration to change my way of thinking to develop this and other good habits. I highly recommend it.

Fri, 2012 01 20 at 9:00 AM |Permalink for this entry

Freedom

Sometimes, when you see someone play, we say they’re “unconscious.” This means that they are playing at a level where it just flows out of them.

This is what I aspire to.

I am way too self-aware when I play music. It’s something I’m gradually learning to overcome. Letting go, being in the moment, allowing the music to flow through me is where it really works. I am trying to be free, to play freely, to allow myself to express through music what I wish to. While practice and technique is a part of this, I am now convinced that the real battle is in my mind.

I’ve read Effortless Mastery: Liberating the Master Musician Within and Inner Game of Music, and I believe they both have the same goals via different methods. They are trying to free the musician within in order to allow the musician to play without inhibition. It’s a slow process, and patience is required. That’s another damned skill I’m working on.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the “unconscious” level, but it doesn’t matter. My only plan is to enjoy each moment as it comes, wherever it takes me. I suppose that’s true freedom.

Wed, 2012 01 18 at 12:14 PM |Permalink for this entry